The Right Decision (Heartbroken)

Have you thought it over? Things that you worry about? Do you think what conclusion and solution that you came out with is the right thing to do? What if I tell you that it is wrong? Does it makes a difference? I mean who am I right to tell you what to do? I bet you know best how stubborn you are not willing to accept other peoples opinion especially the ones that concern them. Admit it, that the decision you make is for yourself only and it is not for the good of mutual benefit and improvement. Why are we all so selfish? What is making up compared to breaking up? What is giving compared to taking? What is warmth compared to cold? So many question even some of them seemed familiar to you but why are you ignoring it now when there was once you asked the same question. If you can't answer all this, you are not worthy of your own decision. Some people really do care for you, if only you climb high enough to see whats over the wall. Nobody is perfect, a person has it's good or bad, when you like the good, you have to let the bad in as well. I'm sure you're impressed by the goodness of a person, but think again, isn't the thing that makes you feel close and equal to the person is the imperfectness of the person. Isn't the imperfectness of a relationship gives it more room to expand. Only by leaping the obstacles together, solving a problems together, giving in to each others weaknesses, and by achieving that only you would be able to stay close to the person, hug her/him and say "we've been thru alot to get here together". Isn't that comforting. Isn't that love. Give it the benefit of the doubt, no one is a God to make absolute decisions. Listen to that person, call them back because I believe some of them seems like moving on, but they are still waiting. And if you're honest enough, I'm sure they'll soften down for you.



Happy Holidays! Happy Chinese New Year! Wish you a peaceful year.

I Am No King

i am no king - sharizan



I Am No King~~ Not the ruler of the sea~~ I Am No King~~ And I can't give you everything~~ I Am No King~~ Nor have I ever been~~ I Am No King~~ But I treat you like a queen..

Super old song, but I love this song since young, I alwiz loved to watch Sharizan Borhan and now he's the so called King of Swing Jazz in Malaysia. Another Sharizan latest track below. Fly Me To Da Moon.

Already Number 27

Was pondering, how the hell did i turn the age of 27 already. Come to think of it, 27, it has been 27 years of experience whether in good or bad, happiness or pain, achievements and mistakes that I make. Flashing back I've had many people who came in to my life who are so amazingly wonderful and also the pain that I have cause them, and cause me.

I've tried so hard training myself musically over the years dreaming to bloom in this aspect that I've chosen. Many times I have discourage myself by the many better talented people than me. Eventhough so, I've keep taking time off to think over it myself and went over it, leaped over it. Like they always say, if you're tired, just rest for a while, then continue the journey, if you're sad, then just cry, then sleep and wake up to a new day. Everything goes on whether you like it or not, you still have to wake up early the next morning to continue your life. So again, what is the point of grieving. Not only I, but we feel discouragingly sad all the time, I once read a beautiful poem, and it is written so, "I finally opened the windows, and the blue skies greeted me, the sun rays warms my cheek."



If everybody stays closed, then everything is closed. If you open your eyes to see the newest possibility that could be, would be and should be, then it'll sure be there. Like I always say, just give it the benefit of the doubt, not every new situation will turn out to be like the last one. A new world is blessed with endless possibility depending on how you root and nurture it.

I've lived a life praying for wisdom, and then I realize that it is not wisdom afterall that will bring happiness but only peace in our heart can. The ability to have peace during storm and the ability to bring peace to another person. "To touch the person in a way that no others can", I'm very familiar with this quote, someone once very dear to me wrote this on a piece of paper to me. Let this be the goal, i would nail this dream in my heart to bring happiness to another person in whatever way I can. Bypass my weaknesses, discard it and keep the process as my guidance to tell anyone that requires this comforting advice.

Today I have failed, put all my heart in faith rather than words or action, and still I have failed. But would I let this discouragement and disappointment devour me? No, being a lonely soul myself, I would not give up so easily, because faith can move mountains and shake the earth, I believe in that. Also this is a good practice for me to be more patient. I am afterall, just a normal person who wish for a happy ending myself.

We only live life once. A life worthwhile is a life lived for not just others, but for yourself and myself also.

A quote I compose for everyone.


Life is about everything you are able to describe.
But what really matters is life in the heart of your beloved,
was, is, and will............................................
always just be Love, Love and Love, and Only Love.

Silent Darkness

I told myself, don't think so much of life, it doesn't bring any happiness at all, it's just our human weaknesses to feel so bad. So just close my eyes of what's happening to me and around me. And play music, just play, dun care if the world collapses, I don't know how to care anymore, because I am only one person, with 2 hands, and those hands are shaking, dying to be appreciated and after I lent it out, turns out to be not fruitful at all. So I'm gonna stop finding the answer why or keep explaining, there are million of reasons out there, but I'm not going to even listen to one. I wanted to say I love you, but I dunno what or who I am loving, so I just remain silent. It's just overwhelmingly confusing, this life, it is full of vanity. Eventhough, I am willing to accept, but does it makes a difference at all? Can I at least say one thing? Can I just tell you, that it is unbearable, this pain some of us felt, this pain that hurts so much to tell them something that is so true. Why every beginning of the day is with light and ends with darkness? I rather have it the other way.

Horoscope Personality Traits

So you don't believe in horoscope? What bout me? well, I would say that I believe on the personality part of it and not the fortune telling future type. Those horoscope columns in the newspaper is crap, I have a friend which works in The Star and he said the columnist have to think of every new idea everyday to write it in, it's just random, not really true. But! This part about the personality, I think it is justified by many centuries of astronomical studies during the medieval era. Even up to now. People's character and personality are classified based on the shapes formed by stars at different time of the year. So here's the fun part, below are the personality traits of each horoscope according to the dates. Don't freak out if it's almost so true. I'm scorpio btw and I'm a true scorpio. What bout u?

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny.. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times... Like competition. Get what they Want.


AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.


PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative..May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Drea my and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.



ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge.. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.



TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate... Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.


GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable But needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.


CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.


LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sen sitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.



VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argume ntative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to.Hard to please. Harsh.. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.


LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal... Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too
easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.


SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive... Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome)..Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes.. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

Say it, "It is not so bad afterall!"

Not feeling so good today, guess I really can't control anymore my ups and down moods. So much for master of my own feelings. Juz hope it won't for long and that something good will happen. Well.. my only two cures when I'm down, or worst, depressed are exercising working out or Keith Jarret's music. Exercising creates a type of natural cure for negative feelings. Just imagine, our brains discharges a kind of chemical that somehow stir our feelings. After some time, it'll be a routine that everyday you wake up, you can't accept yourself, you think negative, it'll be something stubborn in your head which is hard to remove. But by working out or consistent physical exercises, the brain naturally creates a liquid called endorphins to tranquilize the brain. Like that you can feel much better and relieved. Trust me it works, that is why sometimes when you're so angry, you feel like hitting someone or punching something, it's juz a natural way of purging negative energy.
I don't know why, but repeatingly playing only Keith Jarret's tracks can somehow make me feel better, I always have it on my car's cd player, playing all day when I start my car. The smooth and jazzy licks and melody, it just quieten down my heart, and it gives me the clarity to think. I would always settle down after hearing 10mins of Keith Jarret by saying, "hey, it's not so bad afterall." Then think positive, think of happy things, think of even the most basic thing I have, family, some true friends, a secure job and keep thinking to improve myself, and it's only by effort to improve myself, that I can move on and be a better person.
Before anything, tell yourself sincerely to accept yourself, to know that it is all worth it what you are doing, trust that one fine day, good things will come and your feeling is able to reach that person or achieve your dream.
So just take the night off, stay at home, off your lights, turn on the aircond to a comfortable temperature, I would recommend 22degrees Celsius. Light some candle around your room, play some Keith Jarret or Yiruma tracks. Sit upright on your bed and lay the cozy comforter on your leg, and ponder for a while all the things that have caused you your complicated feelings, say it positively that it is not so bad and hope things would turn out better, because you can't do anything about it, the only way is to smile and keep moving along, as long as you're still living, even on a very thin line, you're still standing at least. So, take one step at a time, what doesn't kills u only make you stronger. Think about it. Just be yourself, love yourself more. Don't put hope in anything or anybody else, just believe in yourself and God.

Smile!
BIG..
BIGGER...
Yeah, now you look happy..
What's that?
You're sad..?
Too bad.
Just keep smiling..
Smile.. Because you know what love is
Smile.. Because you can breath
Smile.. Because you could swim in the sea
Yeah.. If you had the chance.. Smile
Laugh at the whole world around
And get up with a smile
Smile to everything, even to the ground
Smile to the birds and smile to the sky
And pretend you can fly..
Smile..Because you have friends
Smile..Because you know you have the chance
Smile..Because you have time to smile
~Smile.. Because you can.. ~ So keep Smiling.

Only Resolution for 2009

To avoid complication and diversification of effort, I only decided to have one resolution this year. I think of all kinda things, but one would really make me feel better is to quit smoking. so yeah, Quit Smoking is this year only resolution. I QUIT! MEROKOK MEMBARA PARAH! I QUIT SMOKING! ROKOK TAK NAK! juz started today, so have to really suffer from now onwards. Wish me luck. I can do it.

Goodbye 2008

2008 sucks big time for those shit which happened to me. I'm not saying everything also sucks, but good thing did happen to me and I really enjoyed those times. Been having bad times and good times and towards the end of 2008 I learnt to let go of burden I've been alwiz carrying throughout my life. Learning what's true that should be kept and what's not. Fake and Kind Faces. And learn that I should love myself more than anything else, for this is the most precious thing God have ever gave me. It's a shelter for my own soul. I should be stronger that even when tribulations and storm smash my temple, my fragile and weak soul would still be protected.
So here comes a stranger passer-by, year 2009, i'm trying to welcome it happily but juz 2 days oni, bullshit happens again. But I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt, 2009, hope it'll be a year full of blessings for me. Thank God for everything good and bad, for what doesn't kill me, only make me stronger. I wanna say sorry for all my murmuring and cursing also. Please forgive me and make me stronger this year. =)

Dia - Maliq & D' Essential

I love this song man.. the MTV damn sweet and cute also.. woo.. oni if I can find a person like described in the lyrics.. =)

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