John Mayor - No Such Thing and Samson - Bukan Diriku

John Mayer - No Such Thing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya93JWrdxFc

Welcome to the real world
She said to me kind of condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
Id like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
Faded white hats grabbing the credits and making transfers
They read all the books but they cant find the answers
And all of our parents, theyre getting older
I wonder if theyve wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as Im alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I just cant wait till my ten year reunion
Im gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for



Samson - Bukan Diriku


Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu

Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Reff:
Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

At least I have myself.

Some humans are insatiable. People are always not satisfied with what they have to their own extend. Then it turns out to be more pessimistic and negative as we move along our ages. Learning the ugly truth that there is no one you can trust except yourself. Even we have hard time keeping the promises and resolutions we made, how can we expect to believe others. Some to the extend that their friends betray them, some to the extend their loved ones betray them, some worst! the extend that even family betrays them.
It is very sad that we live in this era which every ancient human behavior have thus deceased and formed an equivalent evil good balance in another way. People kill and fight wars in the past, poverty plague lands but I would say, at least there were loyalty, loyalty to the king, trust between friends, cherish the short and dangerous fragile live and times they have as they don't know how long they will live and die. People in the present moments, they never fight wars, most of them live at least in average, survivable economy, noble rich people are everywhere. They were not landlords or kings or anything, but at least people like this have more than they ever needed. Then here comes the part that humans, they take things for granted when everything is provided, when they don't face hard times and difficulty in life. Social wars everyday, everyone's control is just as far as their own. While some is running with their mind not the heart and humanity, while some is fighting their way thru life with these people. Some remains silent, some expresses. But there is no obligations to help these needs because of all our own commitments. We're at war with individuals at this era.
In this war, i've come to learn of a biggest mistake I did, that is over-trusting. Leaving your own life, dreams and future in their caretaking. And you know wat? they just turn you down. There is no such thing as loyalty in this era where every promises made, are definately meant to be forgotten. Why loyalty? Well, just imagine, loyalty is like many smaller rocks forming into a big rock, and when it rolls down the hill, obstacles can't withstand the weight and giant of it and it crushes everything else because of it's power and magnetic attraction of each atom, whereas a tiny single rock gets stuck in even any tiny obstacles. I would say the law of gravity in real life here, is karma, a balance, energy changes from form to form, it doesn't dissapear. When you make someone sad, you are happy or satisfied for that moment, and when the person moves on, then only you realize that you regret it. It's always a cycle and only repeat throughout life.
So far where I am now, i've seen the faces of people around me, the faking of it, the unsincerity and always taking a friend or loved ones for granted. Don't they have pitstops in their life, where they only stop and ponder a little to review themselves between reality and dreams, for improvement at least. Stop a while to think of the people around you, stop a while to think that what is worth holding on to and what is not. Who is your true friend or love, or why they are not? Can you forgive them? Is your trump card, to give a second chance worth giving? Then do it. Sometimes give the benefit of the doubt.
Let love be the guiding force? It's a joke! love only exists when their in needs and is discarded when they don't need it anymore or found a better substitute. Look hey, you can actually replace love, what the hell! Love is a trend, it's not true. What is true love then? Well, as for me, being able to set your mind that it is only the worst that is death that only can seperate the heart from giving up a person you love,that is true love. People laugh and are entertained being told that that someone commited suicide for love. As for me, I cry as much as i feel it myself when one gave all up his/her precious only life, yes! like the one u're seeing thru both your eyes now.. imaninge doing this, die for the stubborn and ignorant person she/he loves. People say these people are stupid,crazy,insane, out of their control. No! I don't think so, i believe even in the afterworld now, they are still looking back to this life and knowing that even after great things he/she tot he/she have done to go beyond her measure to die for the person she/he loves, people still moves on. Yes! they cry and regret but after some time they are forgotten. You see how fucking assholes are these people. Those died are suffering in hell now for their whole eternity, while you smile and enjoy living ur life like u're relieved and dismissed of a great burden. I'm so sorry and I pray for them to rest in peace.
I keep trying to hold on to what I already know because I believe I was born for one destiny and not many. One destiny, one love that sits above all. But I'm trying to give up now, seems like its hard for me to trust anyone anymore. Now all I can say is only "at least I have myself". Time to review myself and brush up on it. It takes time and I'm trying and I will never forget.

Coping with Emptiness

Well, what's happening to me now trying to cope with life and the result recently:- no appetite to eat, can't sleep at night, getting sick all the time, feels like shit and heart alwiz beating very fast, so fast it makes me headache. Skin always feels warm but the air around seems so cold. My ears selects soothing song but it alwiz seems unnapropriate. Everything I do feels weird, even talking to people seems awkward. Sometimes just felt like staying home and do something meaningful but can't do anything at all when i in my room. It supposed to be a sanctuary but looking at the walls that surrounds me feels clausthrophobic and prison-like. Coffee and ciggarettes keeps me company but I feel worst after that like I'm gonna die an even more sad death if i continue to slowly destroy my own body. There is nothing I can do or nowhere I can go, it's a lie when they say the skies, lands and oceans is vast, everywhere I go, i feel suffocated, like there is no space to grow, no space for hope. Work, empty relationship and empty hopes like empty chairs and tables. Cause, effect and result, there is nothing worth looking forward to. Anyway, i know not only i who feels this way, but almost everyone out there,just the difference in expressing.If faith is something to believe when you can't see it, then it is the only thing I can rely on to pull myself out of this abyss. When you're low, u meet another low point, you just go lower, i hope one day, there will be a ladder i can climb back up to heaven. I want to love myself more, laugh a lil, cry a lil, touch a lil, i'm praying that I can do better than this.



When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...


Radiohead - Creep

Step Up

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, and if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. Life is just like when we all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house…with us trapped, locked in it. It’s been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it’s usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you’ve realized how wrong you’ve been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.

Hero In Your Soul

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours. be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

Sacred Places In Our Hearts

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up. Sometimes i wonder if anything’s absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we’re forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we’re faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.
Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you’ve ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world…or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better…or worse. You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it. Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream. There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred.How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children out into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name? Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever. A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore simply rise above the pain in the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one. Like a team braced against the tempests of the world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held, promises made long ago in the sacred space in our hearts.

Beethovan Virus

The new korean drama series Beethovan Virus is about this arrogant conductor who is an outcast from his own country's orchestra because his demands was too high. Lee Ji Ah, super hot korean actress is like the korean's Ryoko Hirosue and another guy which is a trumpeteer, din bother to get his name, but he is hot as well. Both of this people try to form orchestra but somehow lost the capital to some scam. The conductor who came wanted to leave but was suprised by the trumpeteer's hearing and his ability to memorize music. The trumpeteer guy dun even knows how to read notes. So here, the typical korean love triangle story with a super hawt actress and classical music. Totally my kind of drama. Lol!

Violin Virtuoso

Violin exists since Baroque times. It's a very old instrument, some call it the king of melodic instruments. I would say it's a very technical, and it is the most difficult instrument to master. Imagine, juz 1mm off position and u're like way out of tune. There is no frets like guitar or keys like piano where intonation is already figured out. Over the centuries, from dry baroque violin tones, it has evolves and improve to a bright, colourful and warm tone. Violin are used in all kinda genre, like jazz(Chern Wei), hip hop(Ben-Airi), rock(Sean Mackin), contemporary new age(Lucia Micarelli).
In classical, the players that I appreciate are:-
1) Maxim Vengerov (Love his bach's chacconne)


2) Itzhak Perlman (effortless playing of the 'Theme from schindler's list' being a jew himself.He wants to feel the cries of his ancestors, so he took on the job to play for a movie theme)


3) Alexender Markov (Paginini's Reincarnation)


4) Kyung Hwa (Awesome Bruch Violin Concerto's intepretation)


5) Joshua Bell (Expressiveness, best for legato pieces like ave maria,air on g,red violin theme)


6) Sarah Chang (Gentleness and expression)


7) Hillary Hahn (Mandy Moore Violinist.Sibelius Concerto)


8) David Oistrakh (best intepretation of Sibelius Concerto)



Lol and their videos btw.. Orite here's another one I want to highlight, Henry Lau! I like the idea combining classical techno music with popping locking dance. He's a hongkie faming himself all the way to korea's Super Junior. This is part of Super Junior Don't Don MV where Henry makes his 1st appearence in the group's 1st single of the album. Everyone's like "THE HELL? Who is that guy with the violin! he look so cool!"

Men who craves sex.

Yesterday I was reading this blog about PR girls in papaya farm. It's fun to read because the way the author write is so funny, but somehow juz felt sad that this side of the world exists when I tot,yalar it's not so bad and normal coz I've never seen it before but juz heard of it before. In this kinda place, girls are called by numbers and nicknames like animal names, they're given drugs so they feel high when guys do stuffs to the girls. Things like threesome or so also can. When they take the drugs, they can't feel anything at all, sex is already happening in their mind every second like climax, so they dun feel anything at all already even if guys poke them. I would say most of them especially foreigners work as prostitutes on their own will for the sake of fast money, it's not like the old days where they were captured as slaves. But, still there are some that work for the sad reason of their past and background. Wheter they were betrayed by their bf, or have a commitment of a kid too young, or broken family, no qualifications not even SPM. They can't get a job that pays enough for their commitement. What bout if a family the bastard father owes "ah long" money and his daughters or even wife have to be prostitutes to repay his debts. Guys like the ones from the blogs I read yesterday are really bastards. How could they do such a thing and u know what is the worst thing? They have girlfriends, and they're girlfriend not to say not preety, but why they still want to go these nightclubs and have sex party, how could you do these and the worst thing is the GF's or wife dun even know till now, these mens are animals I would say. How u know now, if ur bf is doing things like this behind ur back, u will never know, unless u so lucky to see the truth. okay these are my own opinions, I wont want to judge something that has been happening so long since centuries and centuries ago already. But what I'm trying to say is why this world is so corrupted now? It's like the modern "Sodom and Gomorah". Sodom and Gomorah is the place God showered fireballs of meteors on them coz the place is so corrupted with mass sex, homosexuality, rapes and adulteries. Okay, female are weaker when it comes to trusting men, love is blind, wheter u're at a young or older age its still the same. When u meet something you that really feels good to you, you can't just resist it. And when that men say something nice to her, she throw herself all into his palm already. Then comes the sad part and then sad endings. Cmon le, at least try to find a good man, question his mentality, it is not how good he is now but it is what kinda character he has and is vulnerable to these kind of bad influence. Every man is horny, you totally have to agree. But these are things that are controllable unless you're really sick in the brain. Going to place like this, sex, rape, all this are for the satisfaction and gain confidence and power over bullying the female gender. Love is blind yes, but sometimes you need to have self-control and preseverence. Patiently observe 1st. I'm not saying anyone out there should keep a distance, Nope! but give it sometime 1st before fully trusting that person. Love is blind but of course we have to minimise the blindness. There are alot of good guys out there, usually people are almost like their companies, gangs or kaki's , so get to know their friends, if his friend is paria lousy ppl, u may think maybe he's not, but if he still continue to mix with them, sooner or later only, he will be like them "pier-pressure", and when he get used to you, it is even worst the way u see him change, or maybe the relationship is at it's down point, all moody and goes off course, the guy would find ways to get more satisfied, or even feel respected for what he does, so he go this kinda place to somehow with the excuse, release pressure.

Cmon man, give yourself some respect, if nobody sees u, God sees you, and if u dun believe in God, then there is still karma. Somehow I believe in both the way they work. Explains the spiritual and energy tranfers around this world. "You give, you lose. You take, someone else loses and one day, someone will do the same back to you. But if u keep giving, someone else will give it back to you again." Understand?

“In all the work we do, our most valuable asset can be the attitude of self-examination. It is forgivable to make mistakes, but to stand fast behind a wall of self-righteousness and make the same mistake twice is not forgivable.”

This is the blog that I read http://tiuniasing.com/2007/07/14/papaya-farm-1/ There are 15 chapters, so keep pressing the next one on top, u'll be redirected to the next chapter.

Move Along!

The All American Rejects - Move Along. I love this group. Listen to their tracks, it's very good, they're my favourite rock bands. I think they're one of the best ever-lived! Do u like the song called "it ends tonight"? I call it the Guardian Angel song. Sometimes whenever we feel down, some shit is happening and u just wanna scream out loud "WHY ME?!?!..." "CAN I HAVE A F**KIN BREAK!!". Just listen to these, can release stress keke. If u consider this life real, or u're still in ur imaginary dream life. Know that this two co-exist together, if u think that this life is not what you wanted, just move along, just to make it thru! Nobody is to be blamed, there's no need to blame, there's no need to punch someone or hurt ur knuckles hitting the wall or sumthing, no need to cut yourself. Just know that goodness and kindness always prevail. The people who do you bad, will miss the best thing ever. Know that every darkness will one day turn into light, it has to, as night to daytime, if u decided not to end yourself tonight. So just keep move along, u'll make it thru. Hands are shaking cold? Speak to me! your hands are mine to hold as well as mine. *thumbs* go cwazee!!

U've probably seen like a million times in MTV, but hey these are the accoutic ones. Enjoy.

It Ends Tonight(Accoustic Live)


Move Along(Accoutic Live)

Juwita Suwito

I always been the kind of person to listen to the meaning why the song is being written more than a fan of that artist. There are many artist who writes and sings very good lyrics like Eason Chan, Jay Chou, Secondhand Serenade. I just discover this artist like 1/2 hour ago, I was very impressed by this artist. Juwita Suwito, sounds like an indon, but she became famous from akademia fantasia and she was even the theme artist for Tahun Melawat Malaysia 2007. Very impressive lyrics and melody she writes there. Even though she reminds me of one of my form 4 english teacher, lol. First I heard this "You In Me", it's good. Then I click and hear "Breath Again", omg it's good also, also found out it's on the Do You OST. Then I'm like okay, let's see an MV.. "All This Time" and I think that it is the best MV I've ever seen. Reminds me of like those advertistment from MAS during Merdeka few years back. Somehow I felt the feeling of warmth and family in all of these. MV's like of Justin Timberlake, Fergie or wateva, will juz fade in time and you will feel bored. But MV's like these, eventhough where u are in ur life, u watch this again, somehow you will feel comforted. That is why I always believe, it's not only the words, but it's also the music. "An object itself, without any background, doesn't stands out of it's beauty". There is a need for a compare to know what's bad, then only you will know what is good. Human's always take things for granted, but sometimes, you need to quieten down urself again and ponder, review, then change. so here's the video. check it out. Hearts all over the world. Juwito Suwita - All This Time.



I knew you loved me
I chose to go
Knew that you would find me
But I pretended not to know
It wasn’t cos I was unhappy
It wasn’t cos I was blind
Or could I have been when I said

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
I’m gonna make it on my own
Make it on my own

I took the highway
Built on sand
I knew you’d be there for me
But I refused to hold your hand
The going’s good all around me
But deep inside I can’t find a reason to live without you

Can I let the wind blow?
Leave the past behind?
The memories may cloud my mind
I know I crossed the line
Should I just journey on alone
I can’t bear to find
The pain I caused you all this time
When I look in your eyes

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

All the time

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

You loved me all this time

Debut

I took a deep breath. Opens my eyes, hands brush on the couch by the waiting lounge. Waiting, for my turn. My name was called, stands up, took another deep breath, face the mirrors, check my tie. Then initiate my heavy foot to walk this pathway towards the open platform. I tell myself only to look straight ahead ,the way to the pedestrial. As I am taking my steps, I look up, bright spotlights almost like sunbeams, that wash away my worries and refills my courage. I look below, shadows gradients from all direction away from me, my past hasn't left me at all. When the light is shining high above, there is somehow still darkness dug deep in my heart. I glance at the audience, the lightings were dull, I could barely glimpse the first row, but I recognise the figure of those people that have showered me with rain water when I felt like I was in the wilderness alone, then the deep dark seeds below has grown above pain and agony,thus blossomed into healthy plants. Flash back \/\/\/\/\ 15 years ago when i was in secondary school, those times when I started to dream, to set and plan the course of my life, to be what I would dream to be. I met these people, right here, I'm painting a picture of them in my mind now. Moments of laughter and moments of tears. But I know, that the part about the pain, I took it much harder than anyone else. 15 years have passed on. I thank God that I am still alive, healthy and strong on the outside with humble wisdom and compassion inside. I walk up, stands on this throne, this throne in my heart, where i'm standing on now. Followed by an announcement made to all.
"Know that this moment now, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes………. all you need is... one.”