John Mayor - No Such Thing and Samson - Bukan Diriku

John Mayer - No Such Thing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya93JWrdxFc

Welcome to the real world
She said to me kind of condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
Id like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
Faded white hats grabbing the credits and making transfers
They read all the books but they cant find the answers
And all of our parents, theyre getting older
I wonder if theyve wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as Im alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I just cant wait till my ten year reunion
Im gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for



Samson - Bukan Diriku


Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu

Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Reff:
Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

At least I have myself.

Some humans are insatiable. People are always not satisfied with what they have to their own extend. Then it turns out to be more pessimistic and negative as we move along our ages. Learning the ugly truth that there is no one you can trust except yourself. Even we have hard time keeping the promises and resolutions we made, how can we expect to believe others. Some to the extend that their friends betray them, some to the extend their loved ones betray them, some worst! the extend that even family betrays them.
It is very sad that we live in this era which every ancient human behavior have thus deceased and formed an equivalent evil good balance in another way. People kill and fight wars in the past, poverty plague lands but I would say, at least there were loyalty, loyalty to the king, trust between friends, cherish the short and dangerous fragile live and times they have as they don't know how long they will live and die. People in the present moments, they never fight wars, most of them live at least in average, survivable economy, noble rich people are everywhere. They were not landlords or kings or anything, but at least people like this have more than they ever needed. Then here comes the part that humans, they take things for granted when everything is provided, when they don't face hard times and difficulty in life. Social wars everyday, everyone's control is just as far as their own. While some is running with their mind not the heart and humanity, while some is fighting their way thru life with these people. Some remains silent, some expresses. But there is no obligations to help these needs because of all our own commitments. We're at war with individuals at this era.
In this war, i've come to learn of a biggest mistake I did, that is over-trusting. Leaving your own life, dreams and future in their caretaking. And you know wat? they just turn you down. There is no such thing as loyalty in this era where every promises made, are definately meant to be forgotten. Why loyalty? Well, just imagine, loyalty is like many smaller rocks forming into a big rock, and when it rolls down the hill, obstacles can't withstand the weight and giant of it and it crushes everything else because of it's power and magnetic attraction of each atom, whereas a tiny single rock gets stuck in even any tiny obstacles. I would say the law of gravity in real life here, is karma, a balance, energy changes from form to form, it doesn't dissapear. When you make someone sad, you are happy or satisfied for that moment, and when the person moves on, then only you realize that you regret it. It's always a cycle and only repeat throughout life.
So far where I am now, i've seen the faces of people around me, the faking of it, the unsincerity and always taking a friend or loved ones for granted. Don't they have pitstops in their life, where they only stop and ponder a little to review themselves between reality and dreams, for improvement at least. Stop a while to think of the people around you, stop a while to think that what is worth holding on to and what is not. Who is your true friend or love, or why they are not? Can you forgive them? Is your trump card, to give a second chance worth giving? Then do it. Sometimes give the benefit of the doubt.
Let love be the guiding force? It's a joke! love only exists when their in needs and is discarded when they don't need it anymore or found a better substitute. Look hey, you can actually replace love, what the hell! Love is a trend, it's not true. What is true love then? Well, as for me, being able to set your mind that it is only the worst that is death that only can seperate the heart from giving up a person you love,that is true love. People laugh and are entertained being told that that someone commited suicide for love. As for me, I cry as much as i feel it myself when one gave all up his/her precious only life, yes! like the one u're seeing thru both your eyes now.. imaninge doing this, die for the stubborn and ignorant person she/he loves. People say these people are stupid,crazy,insane, out of their control. No! I don't think so, i believe even in the afterworld now, they are still looking back to this life and knowing that even after great things he/she tot he/she have done to go beyond her measure to die for the person she/he loves, people still moves on. Yes! they cry and regret but after some time they are forgotten. You see how fucking assholes are these people. Those died are suffering in hell now for their whole eternity, while you smile and enjoy living ur life like u're relieved and dismissed of a great burden. I'm so sorry and I pray for them to rest in peace.
I keep trying to hold on to what I already know because I believe I was born for one destiny and not many. One destiny, one love that sits above all. But I'm trying to give up now, seems like its hard for me to trust anyone anymore. Now all I can say is only "at least I have myself". Time to review myself and brush up on it. It takes time and I'm trying and I will never forget.

Coping with Emptiness

Well, what's happening to me now trying to cope with life and the result recently:- no appetite to eat, can't sleep at night, getting sick all the time, feels like shit and heart alwiz beating very fast, so fast it makes me headache. Skin always feels warm but the air around seems so cold. My ears selects soothing song but it alwiz seems unnapropriate. Everything I do feels weird, even talking to people seems awkward. Sometimes just felt like staying home and do something meaningful but can't do anything at all when i in my room. It supposed to be a sanctuary but looking at the walls that surrounds me feels clausthrophobic and prison-like. Coffee and ciggarettes keeps me company but I feel worst after that like I'm gonna die an even more sad death if i continue to slowly destroy my own body. There is nothing I can do or nowhere I can go, it's a lie when they say the skies, lands and oceans is vast, everywhere I go, i feel suffocated, like there is no space to grow, no space for hope. Work, empty relationship and empty hopes like empty chairs and tables. Cause, effect and result, there is nothing worth looking forward to. Anyway, i know not only i who feels this way, but almost everyone out there,just the difference in expressing.If faith is something to believe when you can't see it, then it is the only thing I can rely on to pull myself out of this abyss. When you're low, u meet another low point, you just go lower, i hope one day, there will be a ladder i can climb back up to heaven. I want to love myself more, laugh a lil, cry a lil, touch a lil, i'm praying that I can do better than this.



When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...


Radiohead - Creep