Coping with Emptiness

Well, what's happening to me now trying to cope with life and the result recently:- no appetite to eat, can't sleep at night, getting sick all the time, feels like shit and heart alwiz beating very fast, so fast it makes me headache. Skin always feels warm but the air around seems so cold. My ears selects soothing song but it alwiz seems unnapropriate. Everything I do feels weird, even talking to people seems awkward. Sometimes just felt like staying home and do something meaningful but can't do anything at all when i in my room. It supposed to be a sanctuary but looking at the walls that surrounds me feels clausthrophobic and prison-like. Coffee and ciggarettes keeps me company but I feel worst after that like I'm gonna die an even more sad death if i continue to slowly destroy my own body. There is nothing I can do or nowhere I can go, it's a lie when they say the skies, lands and oceans is vast, everywhere I go, i feel suffocated, like there is no space to grow, no space for hope. Work, empty relationship and empty hopes like empty chairs and tables. Cause, effect and result, there is nothing worth looking forward to. Anyway, i know not only i who feels this way, but almost everyone out there,just the difference in expressing.If faith is something to believe when you can't see it, then it is the only thing I can rely on to pull myself out of this abyss. When you're low, u meet another low point, you just go lower, i hope one day, there will be a ladder i can climb back up to heaven. I want to love myself more, laugh a lil, cry a lil, touch a lil, i'm praying that I can do better than this.



When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...


Radiohead - Creep