Just For A While...

Happy New Year!!

2012-02-01T02:14:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year!!! I'm back.. writing soon.. real soon.. having toothache now.. darn!

Three Passions by Bertrand Russell

2009-08-10T21:22:00.003+08:00

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair. I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what at last I have found. With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved. Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

Mr.Children - Hero

2009-05-29T10:05:00.002+08:00

This song really inspired me alot, well.. u would probably feel nothing if you don't care about yourself and the people around you. Think for a while.. that you could do something about everything to make a change, to make things better for people and yourself. This song is a song for every person, every real strong person, but of course with unseen weakness from inside. I love the person I love and anybody else which means alot to me.
This is the english translated lyrics to the song.

Supposing that the world could be saved
by one person giving their life in exchange,
I would be the man who waits until someone else has volunteered.

All those dear to me have made me a coward.

I don’t expect to be like my idols
whose actions and mannerisms I imitated as a child.
But I’d like to be a hero,
just for you,
to reach a hand out to you,
when you stumble or fall.

To make an awful movie more exciting
they casually kill off people on screen.
But they’re wrong, what we want to see is a light full of hope.

the slightly smaller hand in my hand
silently melts away the gloom in my heart.

the many spices that one needs to really taste life’s full course
are prepared for everyone.
sometimes they’re bitter
and you’ll think the taste astringent.
and then you’ll eat your last desert with a smile.
I want to be next to you.

through the cruel passage of time,
surely even I’ve become adult enough.
I’m not sad, and it doesn’t hurt
just having kept going, and keeping going
is enough to make me happy, is precious.

I always want to be a hero,
just for you,
there’s nothing mysterious about it,
at this point there’s nothing to hide.
but I want to be a hero,
just for you
to reach a hand out to you,
when you stumble or fall.

Summer Bossanova

2009-05-25T03:34:00.003+08:00

Gawd, tomorrow is my exam, I'm so screwed, I really hope I dun get nervous and flop everything. Anyway, here's the lyrics to the song that I wrote. Hope yall like it. Chao..

Summer Bossanova

Have you noticed?
Clouds actually appears every morning without fail,
when you thought the night before,
the skies were empty and all the stars seems
so far away.
Even once when the sun was glaring at my face,
it reminds me of your smile.
when i was down in my life.
the breeze came to brush my skin
it seems like u've somehow send
the winds to embrace me.

Gentle sound of the waves reminds me of that
first gift, a mixtape you once present me.
I wont forget the days of laughter and the
trips we took, eventhough when it's raining,
we danced till it all ends.

You've sent me a song,suddenly,
about everything you and I used to love.
Like bossanova, like the smoothest jazz, something
that sings like a July's Lemonade.
Oh~ a love song, worthy of remininsce.
There is nothing more soothing than your gift.
I would give up anything to go on a trip themed with
this song.
If it was afterall just a movie, it'll always be our theme.

Everything you love, i learn to love it.
Everytime you go, i'll stay, water the seeds that have been sold. One day this tree, will mark our existence here.
Well it's okay if you're not around, I'm fine, I understand.

Suddenly Missing You - Mayday

2009-05-11T10:15:00.004+08:00

Sorry people, this few weeks was really very busy with my work, exams and other activities. Kinda like stressed up.. Hello pimples! heh! Anyway, I listen to this song and also tot bout someone. =D Nice song from mayday.. and translated english lyric. Oh yea, and finally hope successfully finishing the whole season, I'm going back to KLpac.. wish me luck.. July 16-19 - HSBC classical. Check out www.klpac.com to book ur tics.. =D

Mayday (Wu Yue Tian) - Tu Ran Hao Xiang Ni

i'm most afraid that the air would suddenly be quiet
most afraid of the concern that friends sometimes give
most afraid that memories would suddenly roll again
hurting with no rest
most afraid of suddenly hearing news of you again

if my longing had a voice
i wouldn't want it to be a sorrowful cry
things have come to this
i finally belong to myself again
just that i can't deceive myself yet because of the tears

i suddenly miss you
where could you be
are you happy or sad
i suddenly miss you
the sudden piercing memory
the suddenly blurred eyes

we are like the most beautiful song
turned into two sorrowful movies
why did you
lead me on the most unforgettable jouney
and then leave the most painful souvenir

we were so sweet, so beautiful
so trusting
so crazy, so passionate in the past
why did we
have to run towards our different happiness
and grow old with our regrets

i suddenly miss you
where could you be
are you happy or sad
i suddenly miss you
the sudden piercing memory
the suddenly blurred eyes

i'm most afraid that the air would suddenly be quiet
most afraid of the concern that friends sometimes give
most afraid that memories would suddenly roll again
hurting with no rest
most afraid of suddenly hearing news of you again
most afraid of having decided to live this life alone
without you but yet suddenly
hearing news of you again.....

Sing-Along Song

2009-04-30T20:07:00.003+08:00

Sung by Khalil Fong (Fang Da Tong)
Well, i've been busy these days with work.. and seldom have the time to relax, been so damn tired.. and i heard this song.. really love it so much.. Hope you like it too. Somehow it relaxed me. =D Cmon! Sing along song! dam dam!

I wrote this song it's not too long
cos' I've been thinking 'bout you
I wrote this song maybe I'm wrong
To be caught up about you

Well I dont know what you think 'bout me
Maybe you think nothing at all
But maybe you could just lie to me
And we could be in love you see

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

I wrote this song it's not too long
Cos' I'm the one who loves you
I wrote this song this can't be wrong
I don't wanna smile without you

Well I just want to make you happy
but maybe you want nothing at all
and how I wish that you're meant to be
forever and a day with me

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

In everyway you mean more to me
than you'll ever know
girl I'll do my best to show these words are true
and if you'd like to make a song
and be a perfect harmony with me
I'd find the greatest words sing
so we could write our own romance

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

Oh it's a singalong song that's not too long
It's when I think about you that I hear songs
And you can singalong maybe if you want to
Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

Cos' baby I wrote this I wrote this for you

Koizora - Sky Of Love

2009-04-16T14:34:00.008+08:00

Movie about a girl who falls in love with a nonchalant guy. One day the guy left her without giving her a reason and one day, she found out that the guy actually has cancer of the blood. He doesn't want her to go thru the pain and sadness, so he took it all to himself.

Tabidachi No Uta meaning "A song for taking off" is a song about how much the guy appreciate the girl when there is not much time left anymore. Sad story, sad song to appreciate and be contented to what we were given, eventhough it might not be satiable, but it is still worth while. I really can appreciate the lyrics and it meant alot to me Here's the MV, english translated lyrics and the trailer movie.

Mr. Children - Tabidachi No Uta

Tabidachi no Uta (A Song before Taking Off)

Don’t be afraid.
Even if you don’t go around turning on the lights
someday your lonely nights will see the dawn.

The day you fall you’ll get up and see that the scenery that felt
so very far away seems almost within reach.

the song you loved is playing throughout the town
it’s an incidental gift given to me by chance.

Ah, a song for taking off,
So, where to? We’ll meet again.
Ah but for now, it’s “goodbye”

When I lose sight of who I am,
I’ll turn to you
But even if you do somehow hear me,
don’t worry about responding
I lost something important to me,
and then got it back and like that process,

each time feels new again though
I said, “we can’t keep crying and laughing about it like this”
I wanted someone to share with.

Now without hesitation, I can say that I love you.
And that’s how I’ll spend my days.
No matter where I am.

Ah the last song sung in celebration of a fresh start
Now I wave goodbye.

Ah, farewell to sorrow!
when you get too tired to go on,
give a quick look back
because from somewhere out of reach
I’ll be there urging you onward.

Ah, A song for taking off,
So, where to?
We’ll meet again.

Ah but for now, it’s “goodbye”
When you start to forget who you are,
idly scan your memories
for throughout my whole body,
you’re there with a smile urging me onward
but don’t worry about responding.

Movie Trailer - Sky Of Love

French Jazz Violinist Stephane Grappelli Dead At 89

2009-04-15T15:01:00.013+08:00

PARIS (Reuters) - French jazz violinist Stephane Grappelli, whose lively, elegant style captivated audiences for more than a half a century, died in Paris Monday after undergoing a hernia operation. He was 89.

A self-taught violinist, Grappelli came into his own with a style mixing tender lyricism and vivacious swing that made him one of the living legends of jazz in France as well as in the United States.

Regarded as the grandfather of jazz violinists, he continued staging concerts around the world well into his 80s, cutting a striking figure on stage with his thinning white hair, gaudy print shirts and violin tucked under his chin producing haunting music.

When asked on his 85th birthday if he was considering retirement, Grappelli replied: "Retirement! There isn't a word that is more painful to my ears. Music keeps me going. It has given me everything. It's my fountain of youth."

His agent, Jacques Chartier, told Reuters Grappelli died in a Paris clinic where he had undergone a hernia operation last week.

"His family called me this afternoon to tell me he was dead," Chartier said.

The Paris-born son of a philosophy teacher of Italian origin, Grappelli first worked as a pianist, accompanying silent films in a cinema to help his father pay the bills.

Classical violinist Yehudi Menuhin, a great admirer of Grappelli's improvization skills, once commented: "Stephane is like one of those jugglers who send 10 plates into the air and recovers them all."

The Hot Club of France quintet, a band he formed with gypsy guitarist Django Rheinhart in the 1930s, will be remembered as his major musical contribution.

The two met at the Croix du Sud Montparnasse nightclub in early 1934. Then, in Grappelli's own words: "One day he was strumming on his guitar, and I started to improvise with him."

With Reinhardt's brother, Joseph, and Roger Chaput on guitars and Louis Vola on double bass, the idea of the quintet was born.

"There were no microphones then, so it was hard for a violin to be heard. It was a revolution to play jazz only with string instruments," Grappelli said.

With their lively style and technical excellence, the group very quickly seduced the world. But World War II found Grappelli in London and Reinhardt in Paris, and though the quintet reformed in 1946, it never reached its pre-war heights.

Grappelli took to performing separately and made hundreds of records. In his later years, he was best-known for his recordings with Oscar Peterson, Jean-Luc Ponty and Menuhin, with whom he produced six records and performed his 70th and 80th birthday concerts.

Born Jan. 26, 1908, Stephane Grappelli grew up in Paris's lively 10th arrondissement. His mother died when he was 4, and he was sent to an orphanage when his father was mobilized during World War I.

When the war was over, he was reunited with his father, but the two were desperately poor.

It was during this period that Grappelli developed a passion for Claude Debussy and Maurice Ravel, two composers who had an enormous influence on the personal style he later forged.

When he was 13, Grappelli's father gave him a second-hand violin and taught him the scales. Enchanted, the boy learned with fervor.

His first concerts were in the courtyards of buildings and in restaurants, but by the time he was 15 he was working as a piano accompaniest for silent films.

"In the cinema, I had to play Mozart principally but was allowed some Gershwin in funny films. Then I discovered jazz and my vocation and kissed Amadeus goodbye," he said.

He later got a job as a pianist with Gregor's Gregorians, the most popular French show band of the time. When Gregor heard him play the violin one night, he persuaded Grappelli to devote himself fully to it.

Soon afterwards he met Reinhardt and they formed their famous quintet. But when the war broke out, Grappelli was in a London hospital and unable to return to France.

He established a band to play in hospitals and military bases. "But all the Englishmen had been called up, and so I had to recruit the handicapped. Blind George Shearing was on the piano and the bass player had one leg," Grappelli said.

He tried to re-form the Hot Club after the war, but a new style had come in. "Later there were groups like the Beatles who completely changed the direction of music," he said.

But Grappelli continued to attract audiences. When he played, it was as if he was in a world of his own, eyes half-closed and a smile that gave him a look of utter bliss.

"I play best when I am happy or sad, or when I was young and in love. If I have ordinary troubles, I forget everything when I play. I split into two people and the other plays," he said.

Even late in life, he improved his technique. "One hears something when listening to recorded music that one doesn't hear while playing it. And you find yourself saying, 'gee, one shouldn't do that, one should do it
differently."'

Grappelli had one daughter, Evelyn, and a grandson.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I love you Grapelli, u're the best ever lived. U're the kickstart of my engine to keep me going in music. Rest in peace. Your music echoes for as long as we exists. I'll always remember what you mentioned that really inspired me to not only play music but live life.

"I play best when I am happy or sad, or when I was young and in love. If I have ordinary troubles, I forget everything when I play. I split into two people and the other plays," he said.

I thank God for I'm given a violin and the skill to play it eventhough there are infinite improvements to be made. And I'm taking the best of my time to play.

Quotes quotes quoting..

2009-04-03T09:38:00.003+08:00

Not all scars show, not all wounds heal
Sometimes you can't always see
The pain someone feels.

Even the greatest bridges fall under the right pressure.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for
words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

When I look in your eyes, I see the wisdom of the world in your eyes
I see the sadness of a thousand goodbyes.

The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.

When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Love can sometimes be magic.
But magic... is always just an illusion.

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.

Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when I wake up tomorrow?

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

Ever notice that even the worst bastards have friends?

Sometimes I feel like the city is sucking away at my soul.

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

I can breathe and I can move, but I'm not alive because I took that poison, and nothing can save me.

I laugh, I smile, and I take Prozac

Once upon a time of peace.

2009-03-29T04:30:00.005+08:00

So my heart is made out of slow bossanova music. Always replaying the mood of lost memories, memories and experience that I miss and wish to relive it again. Have to admit, sometimes I just miss it so much that one tears suddenly just flow down and I have to faster wipe it off feeling surprised that it actually felt so deep inside. It keeps reminding me of the peaceful times. When things are getting fun and noisy which most of the time I wish to get in to, and then when it's happening, I tend to wish that I have quieter times and need to be alone. The worst part is the aftermath of happiness. Fragments of memories keep popping on and off. Then I ponder, should I always enjoy myself to the max and then will find out that I am actually sad when I come to know that everything has an ending. Really miss feeling satisfied and contented with the things I once had. Felt so numb. Miss the warmth. Right now, I would just want to hug my memories and go to dream world. Only there, I would find comfortable peace. And then.. wake up.. sucks. Unreality over reality.

Cancer Causing Facial & Body Products

2009-03-28T09:37:00.004+08:00

Be aware not to use these products.

Trip to China Furniture Exhibition.

2009-03-27T03:01:00.006+08:00

Arrive on the 1st day @ China World Trade Centre where the exhibition is held. Really a mega-structure and excellent architectural design. Really impressive building.

One of the exhibits.

If carry like this in malaysia sure kena saman already. I wonder how he climb up and stack up there.

China also like our malaysian style kopitiam.

Alot of pet shops around my hotel area. The pets selling there are really cheap. I can get a taiwanese pomeranian there for 1000rmb when i paid 3k ringgit for the same breed in Malaysia.

@ Shen Zhen airport
Fast forward to the last day, had lotsa fun and experience. Tired already. Go back sleep.

A Big Miss

2009-03-27T01:41:00.003+08:00

Who and why am I writing this for? No bloody reason and direction at all. Sometimes we meet the people that leaves a deep impression. Be it even if it's a day or two. Does time really matter? Only when it seems right, when it could just happen over the next step, halt! hold for a while. Start hesitating for the unwillingness to risk it, risk the future, the influence of other people. Can you put down all that you have now and walk the road ahead with no assurance at all. Are you good enough, now that is the main question, but what if the other person doesn't mind at all. But not everybody has the same mind, or should I say it's mostly rare. What if it fails, then there's no plan B to cover up at all. Sigh, the ugly reality, I wonder why time keeps going forward, and doesn't even give u enough time to change or even think over it carefully for another moment. Our experiences always come late by a step. Because of this bloody lag, we lost lots of opportunities to make up to things. Why are we not clairvoyance? Why can't we have the ability to see further or even predict the future. Why live a life full of excitement and disappointment that leave so painful mark in our memories. Brothers and sisters living on the same planet, are you as tired as me? I just hope one day everything will be okay, and we will all be happy and walk in our own line of happiness where everything is happy, like heaven, I hope heaven feels like this. I hope by then everyone will have the same contentment and satisfaction. Be true to love. I hope everything will at least go the way I want. I'm not greedy, but I'm just selfish. If everything is enough for each one, if everything is made destined to be a pair. Then selfish won't exists at all. If everything is good, why would any reason I want to be bad at all. Then it's just good karma all the way. God's anticipation game sucks. God bless us.

BE THANKFUL

2009-03-12T16:12:00.005+08:00

FOR THE WIFE
who says it's instant noodle tonight,
because she is home with me,
and not out with someone else.

FOR THE HUSBAND
who is on the sofa being a couch potato,
because he is home with me
and not out at bars.

FOR THE TEENAGER
who is complaining about doing dishes
because it means she or he is at home,
not loitering.

FOR ALL THE NAGGING MADE BY MY BOSS
because it means I am employed

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
because it means I have enough to eat.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
because it means I am out in the sunshine.

FOR A GARDEN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
because it means I have a home.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND
AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
because it means I am capable of walking
and I have been blessed with transportation.

FOR MY HUGE UTILITIES BILL
because it means I lived comfortably.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
because it means I can hear.

FOR THE FILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
because it means I have clothes to wear.

FOR THE WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
because it means I have been capable of working hard.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
because it means I am alive.

FOR ALL OF THIS, BE THANKFUL

Point of Departure

2009-03-08T03:38:00.011+08:00

People come and people go. Sooner or later, one will realize that after all of his life pursuing what he believes, his dream, only to know that we, afterall just has no control over any happenings or situation. What we can control is actually just a small area in the whole gigantic area. We can change, but how would our changes affect anything or how can we know that our changes can affect the thing that we want to affect. What can one person in this world do to make a difference. Why can't we reach the things that we want so badly? Until some even gave up believing in dreams, and just let it be. Then we accept our weaknesses and limitations.

Vanity, all is vanity. Living life without a reason, satisfaction or contempt. Humans are insatiable, so how to be satisfied? For every differences among us, we have at least a requirement, a basic need of differences in level we desire. It is how we're brought up, what kind of personality have we become over our experience. I believe there are people who have been lucky and do their homework to keep up with what they want to have. These people are satisfied. These people are made to be satisfied. It is a talent or a gift. Why can't I keep something, it is because I'm not talented enough to do so. And another factor that the person doesn't acknowledge or understand that I am what I am. Or it is not the right time nor the right situation for things to happen. Shit happens, and it is what makes every human vulnerable.

I see them, whether dreams, people, objects.. juz walk away or even sometimes dissapear. Nowhere to be seen, leaving only painful tracks of memories and regrets. In the end, how strong one person try to be, we will end up reflecting the surfacing of our weaknesses. And only by acknowledging our weakness and moving along it, people say that we're getting stronger. But the real fact is that we can't do anything about it.

If only unity can be forseen. No hands would be left cold and shaking alone. Nothing will be lost or stole. Everything will go so well, then everyone would be happy and satisfied.

"Blessed are those who sees beautiful things in humble places where other sees nothing."

Tonight I notice the beautiful full moon in the dark sky as I was driving home. I hope someone would appreciate it too. Wherever we are, whatever we are, even if we can't embrace unity in this physical world, be comforted, that there is one place in yourself that you can find that haven, in your heart, your mind, and in your memories.

Be like anyone else, put your mask back on or whatever, but sometimes, just appreciate the beautiful view that will suddenly appear or pass you by, because u have to realize that days like these, may not last forever.

I missed out alot of things, I miss someone too, I miss a hell lots of people that have been missing me also. I hope dreams can be a reality without judging its weakness. Who say I don't love, I love~

Be Humble Be Wise

2009-03-02T01:14:00.007+08:00

"Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of, which 'thanks' naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks how he gets as much as he deserves. "

If a person is great, he is great. Don't need to boast about himself, and look down on people which he thinks is worthless to him. Real great, because he think that he can be proud, because his nose is real high up the sky, because he thinks that all given blessings can't be taken away or be surpassed. Every happiness doesn't last forever, and one day, even the strongest man would need someone's help. If a person is great yet he is humble, then really this man is a blessed person and are respected by others. The power to be humble. It is not easy to be when you are at a certain higher status. The richer a person, the harder to be humble. Once a quote "let us be humble, let us think that the truth and future may not entirely be with us."

Lately, I've met two person that I always knew who are making a progress in their life. One brags and look down on people, and another one encourages someone with his humbleness. I used the same approach in conversation, one just give you the "high nose" look, and another mentions "to be successful, being humble comes first". You know the feeling, when that someone pisses you off and just the right time, someone help you to vent it. Happened to me. I was really encourage when I see the differences between the worst lousiest person and then a humble person.

Conceited people. They are not only wearing a mask, these people naturally have spikes and thorns all over their body. Does sarcasm rings a bell, do you think that it is funny? I think for some people who can't accept it, their pride is assaulted. Sarcasm is an intention to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule. Come on, who are you to hurt people pride that way. Especially if their innocent.

"Talent is God given. Be humble. Fame is man-given. Be grateful. Conceit is self-given. Be careful."

Be humble! and realize that being humble is being a so much of a greater person that you are! I would feel more appreciation and surprise when I found out that u're such a talented person instead of you bragging it when I didn't ask. Everyone knows how to differentiate the difference between sharing your joy and bragging bout it. If you have something you're happy to share the good news too, by all mean, be humble about it, encourage another person. If it's possible lend them some advice and a helping hand if required. And always respect a person and don't vent your nonsense on an innocent person. Who knows, one day you might need them.

Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places when others see nothing.

Anthology Without Words

2009-03-01T01:58:00.013+08:00

I was shocked when I was clicking around on the net and this music was playing. It's called "Anthology without words for solo violin and string orchestra" by Taro Iwashiro. Anthology means series of written effort compiled. As in literally writing. But this is a special arrangement by the above composer, and I think that it is perfect. I love the pace that it sets, the tranquil mood that it potray, and the hidden weeping underneath it. Kind of freakish for me, I really haven't felt this way for quite some time about a piece. It's like this piece is totally describing my feelings at this moment. Such gentleness in the melody as well as the violinist's tone even though it seems like forcing itself to describe a very mellow and sad scene. Interesting. Anyway, I'm looking for the solo violin music sheet notation, if anybody has, probably can send it to me at my email. Thanks.

Reflections from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2009-02-27T11:15:00.011+08:00

"We were meant to lose people. How else would we know how important they are to us?"..

At first I was interested in this movie when I first find out about it, then >( i was wet blanketed by my colleague saying that the movie is really bad.. then he physco me to go watch Valkyrie and I did. *Yawn*.. Normal lah! Valkyrie, the suspense and climax doesn't impress me much. 2 Days ago, I went to watch the CCBB (Curios Case of Benjamin Button). So long to type juz abbreviate it only lah. This movie really gave me a good impression. Was a lil moody after the movie, was pondering about life. I always had this concept that I should live and make choices in life based on thoughts like "would I look back and regret it when I'm old?". So I don't want to regret nor can I avoid feeling regret in future. Afterall, we're human and we make unavoidable mistakes even though we try our best. You can't see urself, u're not 24 hours in front of a mirror, sometimes u just do things and you hurt another person out of your knowing.

"Benjamin : I was thinking how nothing last, and what a shame that is."

U see, one day, sooner or later we'll become old and old is just not old, you see an old person around everyday, but have you ever thought of how they felt, aren't you even curious wanting to ponder how does ur mindset and thoughts goes when u're old. The greatest battle is learning to accept the end of your life. When everything you ever knew will just dissapear from ur sight, and after u left for the other world, impression and ur existence will slowly fade over time in the thoughts of people. Sad isn't it. Vibrations of memory and feeling has it's decaying time as well. We're all taking it for granted, we're living life everyday thinking as if we would live forever. It is the biggest lie in life. Then only when you become old, u feel regret and unsatisfied. Like "it could have been" or "if only". Very sad words to say. I mean..Why waste it, every moment of seconds itself, is an opportunity life gives you. You can choose to waste it, throw it away or embrace it. Some people would expect nothing out of life, but I would say to them that they deserve much more than what they are. To live a life of purpose is to live a complete and perfect life. Who wants to feel useless. Every individual is an important person itself, and if I'm God, I would care for every single person on earth like we both exists only. So keep encouraging yourself.

"Daisy : Some thing lasts."

Benjamin Button is a fictional character which born an old man and die as a baby. In another word, a person living against time. How would you feel to see everyone getting older and you're getting younger. It's a total change of experience to ponder about.
It's a long movie, 2 hours plus i guess.. sit until backside also pain. But worth it, i like the pace and mood of it. Reminds me of movie like Meet Joe Black. =)

QUOTES from the movie

“We’re all going the same way. We’re just taking different roads to get there, that’s all. You’re on your own road.”

“You got to do what you’re meant to do.”

“It’s not about how well you play. It’s how you feel about what you’re playing.”

“Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.”

“You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You can swear and curse the fates. But when it comes to the end, you have to let go.”

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be.”

“There’s something peaceful, even comforting, knowing the people you love are asleep in their beds where nothing can harm them.”

“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed is you.”

“Life can only be understood looking backward. It must be lived forward.”

“You never know what’s coming for you.”

“It has no time limit. You can start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best of it or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. And if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

Vanilla Mood & VieTrio

2009-02-20T12:23:00.007+08:00

Vanilla Mood is a group of japanese idol musician. Playing the instrument of their choice, Waka on flute, Yui on violin, Mariko on cello and Keiko on Piano.
I love their improvisation and the way the music is arranged. Very cool transition and variation. This MV is Haku, which means white and symbolized eternity. Composed by Keiko on how she feels about life. Emiri Miyamoto is also the replacement violin player for Waka(Flute) when she is not needed.

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Another band which I would like to introduce is VieTrio from Thailand. I am very suprised to see that this band is from Thailand. This band of siblings fuses pop with classical music. Very cool concerts and MV. I think you can even see them on a scene in Bangkok Dangerous movie.

Moon & Sunrise by Boa

2009-02-16T14:35:00.005+08:00

Having to skipped school and high school to come to japan at the age of 15. Leave all familiar faces behind. Learned the language and tight schedule without rest for her career in Japan. She's a korea successful experimental singer to be trained since young to penetrate the Japan's entertainment market. Boa wrote and compose this song in the midst of her loneliness working in Japan. A sad song to cry for.

The blue is is always a lonely mystery
It seems like it is hiding my sadness and loneliness
Every time I go pass it...
Yes, again someday, I will keep the memories deep in my heart
Even inside our laughing happiness
Now it is time for the last days to come

*The winds are blowing
In the streets are there so many people
So your voice is becoming more distant

The sky is high
It is far away, just like your heart
Only tears are by my side
I cant forget you

The white clouds are always fickle just like the time and myself
The joy and the warm air is bound to change sometime
In those days we watched movies which turned into a revival
We dont know how the little children long ago, changed
How many memories can a person have?
But i can say it now, I cant see you now
The truth was, that i was happy with you.

**The moonlit night past and now the sunshine is shining
That is how I am forgetting
Even if I am faking my smile, smiling is still a beautiful thing,
Only the tears show my truthful side
I hope we can laugh together when we meet again..

Boa Working Video in Japan
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Emiri Miyamoto

2009-02-16T11:40:00.010+08:00

I'm in love with Emiri Miyamoto. She is not only gorgeous but also very talented in the area that I appreciate. Violin'ing! haha.. She's a very good Japanese Jazz Violinist. Melt melt.. even though I think Taro Hakase & Iwao Furusawa are better players but she's still.. so.. sigh.. just beautiful.. XD muacks! She's also the daughter of famous world renowed Oboe-ist, Fumiaki Miyamoto.

Emiri Miyamoto Official Website

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T02:09:00.002+08:00

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. So let's talk about love a little. Even though I'm single now but what the hell, who want's to listen to my boring part of the story again right? So here goes.

As I'm visualizing myself into the relationship that I have assuming I'm in one now, and there goes, the person I love right in front of me. The first thing I would be saying when my feeling is idle now, not clouded by obsession and maybe honestly still a lil' bit of heartache, and also having realizing the fact of having and losing someone, I would be saying nothing to nothing, absolutely speechless. Enjoy the moment and sight for a while first, then ponder over it. Ponder, if this is a dream, and you wake up only to find out that u're in a sad and lonely world alone. Doesn't this gives u more clarity on what and where you're standing on now? It is quoted, "cherish it like you know you'll lose it". Happiness doesn't always come so easily, so learn to realize that while you're still in it, review over yourself to see if there are any reasonable spaces that can be improve.

Relationship would be classify in 3 types, the type that is just to get over with it and like it matters much and can't be bothered, the type that has not much choice already and I have to get one real soon, and the type that is the true love of your life. And do you agree with me most of it end up with the 1st 2 type or you're definitely disagreeing with me because you're in the 3rd type. Then I say to you, keep it up, since you're lucky enough, so don't take it for granted for when you let the good in, you'll also have to accept the bad and let it in. Nobody is perfect, sincerity and proving love takes time, give it the benefit of the doubt to wait and if it doesn't happen, ask yourself first that are you worthy of judging it or you won't regret the future. Always try to make up then break up, always try to fix what is broken and give chance to a repentance. It is always not too late, don't limit your mindset. Humans greatest weakness, shortsightedness, do not be a victim of this.

So I think to myself first before I contact the other person. First of all, what is love? How does all this have to begin with all the wonders of the world and ends with just a decision to give up everything you have ever dream for. Don't blame anybody if you love them, blame yourself, do not take the speck out of your brothers eye for there is a plank in your own eye. Blame yourself for not having the ability to judge, to choose and to realize.

Love is wonderful, and love is what drives us to survive and to protect. Love is what makes us perform very courageous acts and even meaningless sacrifice. Love gives, takes and even bites like a crocodile! haha! okay.. have fun ya'll. Happy Valentine's Day, there are bout 3 days in a year that is very important to me and one of it is this day. Don't kiamsiap k, guys buy that 99 roses or economy way fold 99x99 paper stars, cheesy, but it works. =D Don't need to think so much, just say what your heart feels. Wish you love and wish me luck!

Happy or Not Happy & Leave me

2009-02-05T23:09:00.002+08:00

I've found these two songs that I love to listen to lastime.

The Ending

2009-02-03T02:11:00.006+08:00

Everything has to end.

Have you wonder, why everything has to end. Whether it is the end of a fun holiday where you get to meet all your families once a year, your bestfriend migrating to another place, your beloved pet dog which dies of old age, the end of your once in a life chance, the death of your beloved grandparents, the end of a wonderful relationship due to in-differences or mistakes that can't be forgiven, your own life has reached it's peak and u're breathing your last few seconds. Tell me, what is the difference the way you feel at each corner of your life and how I feel?

If you ask me why everything has to end, I would have to say that the culpirit is time. Your life is like blank square papers given at the time of your birth. Everytime the clock is ticking, your happenings are written and is thrown to to back while the paper burns off itself. Every moment is judged by time itself, whether it is a good or a bad moment, it still dissapears itself and become something that is known as memories. Good memories, bad memories, these are only the things that you can't turn back to undo. How sad is ones life in these hands of time, the cruel reality. Should we rather dwell in dreams, or just fight the battle to be as normal as possible like anyone else to ignore these delicate understandings of nature.

As it is written even in the Holy Bible and quoted by Gautama Buddha itself that life is afterall "short and miserable". When everything ends, do you feel sad? Have you felt that it could be better? Have your feelings reached the person? Have your dreams come true?

Our decisions and minds are the key of a time machine. It is important to know that it is not too late to change things. Change the presence and re-live the past as the future. It is possible to see familiar things again. Only with the agreement of mutual understanding and acceptance of the same ideas. It is never too late to bring out those old yellow lost love letters than u have kept rusty and dusty deep down inside your hearts.

Experience is the past, and that's where the root of who and what u are now, dwells. Reconsider your options, would you move along, or sacrifice for whatever that it is worth. Most important, is that you don't want to hurt something that once u know so precious to you.

The Right Decision (Heartbroken)

2009-01-22T11:33:00.004+08:00

Have you thought it over? Things that you worry about? Do you think what conclusion and solution that you came out with is the right thing to do? What if I tell you that it is wrong? Does it makes a difference? I mean who am I right to tell you what to do? I bet you know best how stubborn you are not willing to accept other peoples opinion especially the ones that concern them. Admit it, that the decision you make is for yourself only and it is not for the good of mutual benefit and improvement. Why are we all so selfish? What is making up compared to breaking up? What is giving compared to taking? What is warmth compared to cold? So many question even some of them seemed familiar to you but why are you ignoring it now when there was once you asked the same question. If you can't answer all this, you are not worthy of your own decision. Some people really do care for you, if only you climb high enough to see whats over the wall. Nobody is perfect, a person has it's good or bad, when you like the good, you have to let the bad in as well. I'm sure you're impressed by the goodness of a person, but think again, isn't the thing that makes you feel close and equal to the person is the imperfectness of the person. Isn't the imperfectness of a relationship gives it more room to expand. Only by leaping the obstacles together, solving a problems together, giving in to each others weaknesses, and by achieving that only you would be able to stay close to the person, hug her/him and say "we've been thru alot to get here together". Isn't that comforting. Isn't that love. Give it the benefit of the doubt, no one is a God to make absolute decisions. Listen to that person, call them back because I believe some of them seems like moving on, but they are still waiting. And if you're honest enough, I'm sure they'll soften down for you.

Happy Holidays! Happy Chinese New Year! Wish you a peaceful year.

I Am No King

2009-01-19T10:14:00.006+08:00

i am no king - sharizan

I Am No King~~ Not the ruler of the sea~~ I Am No King~~ And I can't give you everything~~ I Am No King~~ Nor have I ever been~~ I Am No King~~ But I treat you like a queen..

Super old song, but I love this song since young, I alwiz loved to watch Sharizan Borhan and now he's the so called King of Swing Jazz in Malaysia. Another Sharizan latest track below. Fly Me To Da Moon.

Already Number 27

2009-01-19T02:47:00.010+08:00

Was pondering, how the hell did i turn the age of 27 already. Come to think of it, 27, it has been 27 years of experience whether in good or bad, happiness or pain, achievements and mistakes that I make. Flashing back I've had many people who came in to my life who are so amazingly wonderful and also the pain that I have cause them, and cause me.

I've tried so hard training myself musically over the years dreaming to bloom in this aspect that I've chosen. Many times I have discourage myself by the many better talented people than me. Eventhough so, I've keep taking time off to think over it myself and went over it, leaped over it. Like they always say, if you're tired, just rest for a while, then continue the journey, if you're sad, then just cry, then sleep and wake up to a new day. Everything goes on whether you like it or not, you still have to wake up early the next morning to continue your life. So again, what is the point of grieving. Not only I, but we feel discouragingly sad all the time, I once read a beautiful poem, and it is written so, "I finally opened the windows, and the blue skies greeted me, the sun rays warms my cheek."

If everybody stays closed, then everything is closed. If you open your eyes to see the newest possibility that could be, would be and should be, then it'll sure be there. Like I always say, just give it the benefit of the doubt, not every new situation will turn out to be like the last one. A new world is blessed with endless possibility depending on how you root and nurture it.

I've lived a life praying for wisdom, and then I realize that it is not wisdom afterall that will bring happiness but only peace in our heart can. The ability to have peace during storm and the ability to bring peace to another person. "To touch the person in a way that no others can", I'm very familiar with this quote, someone once very dear to me wrote this on a piece of paper to me. Let this be the goal, i would nail this dream in my heart to bring happiness to another person in whatever way I can. Bypass my weaknesses, discard it and keep the process as my guidance to tell anyone that requires this comforting advice.

Today I have failed, put all my heart in faith rather than words or action, and still I have failed. But would I let this discouragement and disappointment devour me? No, being a lonely soul myself, I would not give up so easily, because faith can move mountains and shake the earth, I believe in that. Also this is a good practice for me to be more patient. I am afterall, just a normal person who wish for a happy ending myself.

We only live life once. A life worthwhile is a life lived for not just others, but for yourself and myself also.

A quote I compose for everyone.

Life is about everything you are able to describe.
But what really matters is life in the heart of your beloved,
was, is, and will............................................
always just be Love, Love and Love, and Only Love.

Silent Darkness

2009-01-17T11:31:00.011+08:00

I told myself, don't think so much of life, it doesn't bring any happiness at all, it's just our human weaknesses to feel so bad. So just close my eyes of what's happening to me and around me. And play music, just play, dun care if the world collapses, I don't know how to care anymore, because I am only one person, with 2 hands, and those hands are shaking, dying to be appreciated and after I lent it out, turns out to be not fruitful at all. So I'm gonna stop finding the answer why or keep explaining, there are million of reasons out there, but I'm not going to even listen to one. I wanted to say I love you, but I dunno what or who I am loving, so I just remain silent. It's just overwhelmingly confusing, this life, it is full of vanity. Eventhough, I am willing to accept, but does it makes a difference at all? Can I at least say one thing? Can I just tell you, that it is unbearable, this pain some of us felt, this pain that hurts so much to tell them something that is so true. Why every beginning of the day is with light and ends with darkness? I rather have it the other way.

Horoscope Personality Traits

2009-01-12T14:00:00.008+08:00

So you don't believe in horoscope? What bout me? well, I would say that I believe on the personality part of it and not the fortune telling future type. Those horoscope columns in the newspaper is crap, I have a friend which works in The Star and he said the columnist have to think of every new idea everyday to write it in, it's just random, not really true. But! This part about the personality, I think it is justified by many centuries of astronomical studies during the medieval era. Even up to now. People's character and personality are classified based on the shapes formed by stars at different time of the year. So here's the fun part, below are the personality traits of each horoscope according to the dates. Don't freak out if it's almost so true. I'm scorpio btw and I'm a true scorpio. What bout u?

CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be Good-looking. Humorous and funny.. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimistic. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be Unfriendly at times... Like competition. Get what they Want.

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative..May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Drea my and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.

ARIES - The Daredevil (Mar 21 - April 19) Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge.. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate... Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

GEMINI - The Chatterbox (May 21 - June 20) Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable But needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Like change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent. Beautiful physically and mentally.

CANCER - The Protector (June 21 - July 22) Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.

LEO - The Boss (July 23 - Aug 22) Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help Others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sen sitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. Doing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Dominant In relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argume ntative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to.Hard to please. Harsh.. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22) Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal... Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too
easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.

SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive... Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.

SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome)..Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes.. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.

Say it, "It is not so bad afterall!"

2009-01-08T13:45:00.008+08:00

Not feeling so good today, guess I really can't control anymore my ups and down moods. So much for master of my own feelings. Juz hope it won't for long and that something good will happen. Well.. my only two cures when I'm down, or worst, depressed are exercising working out or Keith Jarret's music. Exercising creates a type of natural cure for negative feelings. Just imagine, our brains discharges a kind of chemical that somehow stir our feelings. After some time, it'll be a routine that everyday you wake up, you can't accept yourself, you think negative, it'll be something stubborn in your head which is hard to remove. But by working out or consistent physical exercises, the brain naturally creates a liquid called endorphins to tranquilize the brain. Like that you can feel much better and relieved. Trust me it works, that is why sometimes when you're so angry, you feel like hitting someone or punching something, it's juz a natural way of purging negative energy.
I don't know why, but repeatingly playing only Keith Jarret's tracks can somehow make me feel better, I always have it on my car's cd player, playing all day when I start my car. The smooth and jazzy licks and melody, it just quieten down my heart, and it gives me the clarity to think. I would always settle down after hearing 10mins of Keith Jarret by saying, "hey, it's not so bad afterall." Then think positive, think of happy things, think of even the most basic thing I have, family, some true friends, a secure job and keep thinking to improve myself, and it's only by effort to improve myself, that I can move on and be a better person.
Before anything, tell yourself sincerely to accept yourself, to know that it is all worth it what you are doing, trust that one fine day, good things will come and your feeling is able to reach that person or achieve your dream.
So just take the night off, stay at home, off your lights, turn on the aircond to a comfortable temperature, I would recommend 22degrees Celsius. Light some candle around your room, play some Keith Jarret or Yiruma tracks. Sit upright on your bed and lay the cozy comforter on your leg, and ponder for a while all the things that have caused you your complicated feelings, say it positively that it is not so bad and hope things would turn out better, because you can't do anything about it, the only way is to smile and keep moving along, as long as you're still living, even on a very thin line, you're still standing at least. So, take one step at a time, what doesn't kills u only make you stronger. Think about it. Just be yourself, love yourself more. Don't put hope in anything or anybody else, just believe in yourself and God.

Smile!
BIG..
BIGGER...
Yeah, now you look happy..
What's that?
You're sad..?
Too bad.
Just keep smiling..
Smile.. Because you know what love is
Smile.. Because you can breath
Smile.. Because you could swim in the sea
Yeah.. If you had the chance.. Smile
Laugh at the whole world around
And get up with a smile
Smile to everything, even to the ground
Smile to the birds and smile to the sky
And pretend you can fly..
Smile..Because you have friends
Smile..Because you know you have the chance
Smile..Because you have time to smile
~Smile.. Because you can.. ~ So keep Smiling.

Only Resolution for 2009

2009-01-03T09:42:00.003+08:00

To avoid complication and diversification of effort, I only decided to have one resolution this year. I think of all kinda things, but one would really make me feel better is to quit smoking. so yeah, Quit Smoking is this year only resolution. I QUIT! MEROKOK MEMBARA PARAH! I QUIT SMOKING! ROKOK TAK NAK! juz started today, so have to really suffer from now onwards. Wish me luck. I can do it.

Goodbye 2008

2009-01-02T16:46:00.004+08:00

2008 sucks big time for those shit which happened to me. I'm not saying everything also sucks, but good thing did happen to me and I really enjoyed those times. Been having bad times and good times and towards the end of 2008 I learnt to let go of burden I've been alwiz carrying throughout my life. Learning what's true that should be kept and what's not. Fake and Kind Faces. And learn that I should love myself more than anything else, for this is the most precious thing God have ever gave me. It's a shelter for my own soul. I should be stronger that even when tribulations and storm smash my temple, my fragile and weak soul would still be protected.
So here comes a stranger passer-by, year 2009, i'm trying to welcome it happily but juz 2 days oni, bullshit happens again. But I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt, 2009, hope it'll be a year full of blessings for me. Thank God for everything good and bad, for what doesn't kill me, only make me stronger. I wanna say sorry for all my murmuring and cursing also. Please forgive me and make me stronger this year. =)

2009-01-02T12:17:00.004+08:00

Dia - Maliq & D' Essential

I love this song man.. the MTV damn sweet and cute also.. woo.. oni if I can find a person like described in the lyrics.. =)

| Temukan apa arti di balik cerita | hati ini terasa berbunga-bunga | membuat seakan aku melayang terbuai asmara | adakah satu arti dibalik tatapan | tersipu malu akan sebuah senyuman membuat suasana menjadi nyata | begitu indahnya | dia~ seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, aku inginkan | dia~ melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna | tanpa buai kata tercuri hatiku | dia tunjukan dengan tulus cintanya | terasa berbeda saat bersamanya | aku jatuh cinta | dia~ seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, kuinginkan | dia~ oh dia melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna | dia~ seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, aku inginkan dia~ melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna | dia bukakan pintu hatiku yang lama tak bisa percayakan cinta hingga dia disni memberi cinta ku harapan | dia~ seperti apa yang selalu kunantikan, aku inginkan | dia melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna | dia~ seperti apa yang kunantikan, aku inginkan | dia~ dia~ melihatku apa adanya seakan ku sempurna | give me your love give me your love now so come on and love me come on and love me |

John Mayor - No Such Thing and Samson - Bukan Diriku

2008-12-19T12:45:00.006+08:00

John Mayer - No Such Thing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ya93JWrdxFc

Welcome to the real world
She said to me kind of condescendingly
Take a seat, take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
Id like to think the best of me
Is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
Faded white hats grabbing the credits and making transfers
They read all the books but they cant find the answers
And all of our parents, theyre getting older
I wonder if theyve wished for anything better
While in their memories, tiny tragedies

They love to tell you stay inside the lines
But somethings better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
As long as Im alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out theres no such thing as the real world
Just a lie youve got to rise above

I just cant wait till my ten year reunion
Im gonna bust down the double doors
And when I stand on these tables before you
You will know what all this time was for

Samson - Bukan Diriku

Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu

Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Reff:
Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku

Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

At least I have myself.

2008-12-18T10:23:00.005+08:00

Some humans are insatiable. People are always not satisfied with what they have to their own extend. Then it turns out to be more pessimistic and negative as we move along our ages. Learning the ugly truth that there is no one you can trust except yourself. Even we have hard time keeping the promises and resolutions we made, how can we expect to believe others. Some to the extend that their friends betray them, some to the extend their loved ones betray them, some worst! the extend that even family betrays them.
It is very sad that we live in this era which every ancient human behavior have thus deceased and formed an equivalent evil good balance in another way. People kill and fight wars in the past, poverty plague lands but I would say, at least there were loyalty, loyalty to the king, trust between friends, cherish the short and dangerous fragile live and times they have as they don't know how long they will live and die. People in the present moments, they never fight wars, most of them live at least in average, survivable economy, noble rich people are everywhere. They were not landlords or kings or anything, but at least people like this have more than they ever needed. Then here comes the part that humans, they take things for granted when everything is provided, when they don't face hard times and difficulty in life. Social wars everyday, everyone's control is just as far as their own. While some is running with their mind not the heart and humanity, while some is fighting their way thru life with these people. Some remains silent, some expresses. But there is no obligations to help these needs because of all our own commitments. We're at war with individuals at this era.
In this war, i've come to learn of a biggest mistake I did, that is over-trusting. Leaving your own life, dreams and future in their caretaking. And you know wat? they just turn you down. There is no such thing as loyalty in this era where every promises made, are definately meant to be forgotten. Why loyalty? Well, just imagine, loyalty is like many smaller rocks forming into a big rock, and when it rolls down the hill, obstacles can't withstand the weight and giant of it and it crushes everything else because of it's power and magnetic attraction of each atom, whereas a tiny single rock gets stuck in even any tiny obstacles. I would say the law of gravity in real life here, is karma, a balance, energy changes from form to form, it doesn't dissapear. When you make someone sad, you are happy or satisfied for that moment, and when the person moves on, then only you realize that you regret it. It's always a cycle and only repeat throughout life.
So far where I am now, i've seen the faces of people around me, the faking of it, the unsincerity and always taking a friend or loved ones for granted. Don't they have pitstops in their life, where they only stop and ponder a little to review themselves between reality and dreams, for improvement at least. Stop a while to think of the people around you, stop a while to think that what is worth holding on to and what is not. Who is your true friend or love, or why they are not? Can you forgive them? Is your trump card, to give a second chance worth giving? Then do it. Sometimes give the benefit of the doubt.
Let love be the guiding force? It's a joke! love only exists when their in needs and is discarded when they don't need it anymore or found a better substitute. Look hey, you can actually replace love, what the hell! Love is a trend, it's not true. What is true love then? Well, as for me, being able to set your mind that it is only the worst that is death that only can seperate the heart from giving up a person you love,that is true love. People laugh and are entertained being told that that someone commited suicide for love. As for me, I cry as much as i feel it myself when one gave all up his/her precious only life, yes! like the one u're seeing thru both your eyes now.. imaninge doing this, die for the stubborn and ignorant person she/he loves. People say these people are stupid,crazy,insane, out of their control. No! I don't think so, i believe even in the afterworld now, they are still looking back to this life and knowing that even after great things he/she tot he/she have done to go beyond her measure to die for the person she/he loves, people still moves on. Yes! they cry and regret but after some time they are forgotten. You see how fucking assholes are these people. Those died are suffering in hell now for their whole eternity, while you smile and enjoy living ur life like u're relieved and dismissed of a great burden. I'm so sorry and I pray for them to rest in peace.
I keep trying to hold on to what I already know because I believe I was born for one destiny and not many. One destiny, one love that sits above all. But I'm trying to give up now, seems like its hard for me to trust anyone anymore. Now all I can say is only "at least I have myself". Time to review myself and brush up on it. It takes time and I'm trying and I will never forget.

Coping with Emptiness

2008-12-09T14:31:00.005+08:00

Well, what's happening to me now trying to cope with life and the result recently:- no appetite to eat, can't sleep at night, getting sick all the time, feels like shit and heart alwiz beating very fast, so fast it makes me headache. Skin always feels warm but the air around seems so cold. My ears selects soothing song but it alwiz seems unnapropriate. Everything I do feels weird, even talking to people seems awkward. Sometimes just felt like staying home and do something meaningful but can't do anything at all when i in my room. It supposed to be a sanctuary but looking at the walls that surrounds me feels clausthrophobic and prison-like. Coffee and ciggarettes keeps me company but I feel worst after that like I'm gonna die an even more sad death if i continue to slowly destroy my own body. There is nothing I can do or nowhere I can go, it's a lie when they say the skies, lands and oceans is vast, everywhere I go, i feel suffocated, like there is no space to grow, no space for hope. Work, empty relationship and empty hopes like empty chairs and tables. Cause, effect and result, there is nothing worth looking forward to. Anyway, i know not only i who feels this way, but almost everyone out there,just the difference in expressing.If faith is something to believe when you can't see it, then it is the only thing I can rely on to pull myself out of this abyss. When you're low, u meet another low point, you just go lower, i hope one day, there will be a ladder i can climb back up to heaven. I want to love myself more, laugh a lil, cry a lil, touch a lil, i'm praying that I can do better than this.

When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run run run run...
run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

Radiohead - Creep

Step Up

2008-11-03T00:40:00.002+08:00

Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, and if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. Life is just like when we all live in a house of fire. No fire department to call. No way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns down the house…with us trapped, locked in it. It’s been said that we just don’t recognize the significant moments of our lives while they are happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it’s usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you’ve realized how wrong you’ve been that you realized how much you need it, how much you love it.

Hero In Your Soul

2008-11-03T00:39:00.002+08:00

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. It is yours. be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it’s best, night and day, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle, which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.

Sacred Places In Our Hearts

2008-11-03T00:38:00.001+08:00

There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up. Sometimes i wonder if anything’s absolute anymore. Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey. Sometimes we’re forced to bend the truth, transform it, cause we’re faced with things that are not of our own making. And sometimes things simply catch up to us.
Truth is still absolute. Believe that. Even when that truth is hard and cold, and more painful than you’ve ever imagined. And even when truth is more cruel than any lie.Have you ever wondered what marks our time here? If one life can really make an impact on the world…or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives. For better…or worse. You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it. Because it´s only when you´re tested that you truly discover who you are. And it´s only when you´re tested that you discover who you can be. The person that you want to be does exist, somewhere in the other side of hard work and faith, and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what life has. But once in a while people push on to something better. Something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance. Something beyond the quite persistence of a dream. There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred.How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children out into the world like we send young men to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name? Most of our lives are a series of images, they pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever. A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore simply rise above the pain in the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one. Like a team braced against the tempests of the world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held, promises made long ago in the sacred space in our hearts.

Beethovan Virus

2008-11-03T00:26:00.005+08:00

The new korean drama series Beethovan Virus is about this arrogant conductor who is an outcast from his own country's orchestra because his demands was too high. Lee Ji Ah, super hot korean actress is like the korean's Ryoko Hirosue and another guy which is a trumpeteer, din bother to get his name, but he is hot as well. Both of this people try to form orchestra but somehow lost the capital to some scam. The conductor who came wanted to leave but was suprised by the trumpeteer's hearing and his ability to memorize music. The trumpeteer guy dun even knows how to read notes. So here, the typical korean love triangle story with a super hawt actress and classical music. Totally my kind of drama. Lol!

Violin Virtuoso

2008-11-01T12:34:00.007+08:00

Violin exists since Baroque times. It's a very old instrument, some call it the king of melodic instruments. I would say it's a very technical, and it is the most difficult instrument to master. Imagine, juz 1mm off position and u're like way out of tune. There is no frets like guitar or keys like piano where intonation is already figured out. Over the centuries, from dry baroque violin tones, it has evolves and improve to a bright, colourful and warm tone. Violin are used in all kinda genre, like jazz(Chern Wei), hip hop(Ben-Airi), rock(Sean Mackin), contemporary new age(Lucia Micarelli).
In classical, the players that I appreciate are:-
1) Maxim Vengerov (Love his bach's chacconne)

2) Itzhak Perlman (effortless playing of the 'Theme from schindler's list' being a jew himself.He wants to feel the cries of his ancestors, so he took on the job to play for a movie theme)

3) Alexender Markov (Paginini's Reincarnation)

4) Kyung Hwa (Awesome Bruch Violin Concerto's intepretation)

5) Joshua Bell (Expressiveness, best for legato pieces like ave maria,air on g,red violin theme)

6) Sarah Chang (Gentleness and expression)

7) Hillary Hahn (Mandy Moore Violinist.Sibelius Concerto)

8) David Oistrakh (best intepretation of Sibelius Concerto)

Lol and their videos btw.. Orite here's another one I want to highlight, Henry Lau! I like the idea combining classical techno music with popping locking dance. He's a hongkie faming himself all the way to korea's Super Junior. This is part of Super Junior Don't Don MV where Henry makes his 1st appearence in the group's 1st single of the album. Everyone's like "THE HELL? Who is that guy with the violin! he look so cool!"

Men who craves sex.

2008-10-31T10:07:00.004+08:00

Yesterday I was reading this blog about PR girls in papaya farm. It's fun to read because the way the author write is so funny, but somehow juz felt sad that this side of the world exists when I tot,yalar it's not so bad and normal coz I've never seen it before but juz heard of it before. In this kinda place, girls are called by numbers and nicknames like animal names, they're given drugs so they feel high when guys do stuffs to the girls. Things like threesome or so also can. When they take the drugs, they can't feel anything at all, sex is already happening in their mind every second like climax, so they dun feel anything at all already even if guys poke them. I would say most of them especially foreigners work as prostitutes on their own will for the sake of fast money, it's not like the old days where they were captured as slaves. But, still there are some that work for the sad reason of their past and background. Wheter they were betrayed by their bf, or have a commitment of a kid too young, or broken family, no qualifications not even SPM. They can't get a job that pays enough for their commitement. What bout if a family the bastard father owes "ah long" money and his daughters or even wife have to be prostitutes to repay his debts. Guys like the ones from the blogs I read yesterday are really bastards. How could they do such a thing and u know what is the worst thing? They have girlfriends, and they're girlfriend not to say not preety, but why they still want to go these nightclubs and have sex party, how could you do these and the worst thing is the GF's or wife dun even know till now, these mens are animals I would say. How u know now, if ur bf is doing things like this behind ur back, u will never know, unless u so lucky to see the truth. okay these are my own opinions, I wont want to judge something that has been happening so long since centuries and centuries ago already. But what I'm trying to say is why this world is so corrupted now? It's like the modern "Sodom and Gomorah". Sodom and Gomorah is the place God showered fireballs of meteors on them coz the place is so corrupted with mass sex, homosexuality, rapes and adulteries. Okay, female are weaker when it comes to trusting men, love is blind, wheter u're at a young or older age its still the same. When u meet something you that really feels good to you, you can't just resist it. And when that men say something nice to her, she throw herself all into his palm already. Then comes the sad part and then sad endings. Cmon le, at least try to find a good man, question his mentality, it is not how good he is now but it is what kinda character he has and is vulnerable to these kind of bad influence. Every man is horny, you totally have to agree. But these are things that are controllable unless you're really sick in the brain. Going to place like this, sex, rape, all this are for the satisfaction and gain confidence and power over bullying the female gender. Love is blind yes, but sometimes you need to have self-control and preseverence. Patiently observe 1st. I'm not saying anyone out there should keep a distance, Nope! but give it sometime 1st before fully trusting that person. Love is blind but of course we have to minimise the blindness. There are alot of good guys out there, usually people are almost like their companies, gangs or kaki's , so get to know their friends, if his friend is paria lousy ppl, u may think maybe he's not, but if he still continue to mix with them, sooner or later only, he will be like them "pier-pressure", and when he get used to you, it is even worst the way u see him change, or maybe the relationship is at it's down point, all moody and goes off course, the guy would find ways to get more satisfied, or even feel respected for what he does, so he go this kinda place to somehow with the excuse, release pressure.

Cmon man, give yourself some respect, if nobody sees u, God sees you, and if u dun believe in God, then there is still karma. Somehow I believe in both the way they work. Explains the spiritual and energy tranfers around this world. "You give, you lose. You take, someone else loses and one day, someone will do the same back to you. But if u keep giving, someone else will give it back to you again." Understand?

“In all the work we do, our most valuable asset can be the attitude of self-examination. It is forgivable to make mistakes, but to stand fast behind a wall of self-righteousness and make the same mistake twice is not forgivable.”

This is the blog that I read http://tiuniasing.com/2007/07/14/papaya-farm-1/ There are 15 chapters, so keep pressing the next one on top, u'll be redirected to the next chapter.

Move Along!

2008-10-30T14:54:00.003+08:00

The All American Rejects - Move Along. I love this group. Listen to their tracks, it's very good, they're my favourite rock bands. I think they're one of the best ever-lived! Do u like the song called "it ends tonight"? I call it the Guardian Angel song. Sometimes whenever we feel down, some shit is happening and u just wanna scream out loud "WHY ME?!?!..." "CAN I HAVE A F**KIN BREAK!!". Just listen to these, can release stress keke. If u consider this life real, or u're still in ur imaginary dream life. Know that this two co-exist together, if u think that this life is not what you wanted, just move along, just to make it thru! Nobody is to be blamed, there's no need to blame, there's no need to punch someone or hurt ur knuckles hitting the wall or sumthing, no need to cut yourself. Just know that goodness and kindness always prevail. The people who do you bad, will miss the best thing ever. Know that every darkness will one day turn into light, it has to, as night to daytime, if u decided not to end yourself tonight. So just keep move along, u'll make it thru. Hands are shaking cold? Speak to me! your hands are mine to hold as well as mine. *thumbs* go cwazee!!

U've probably seen like a million times in MTV, but hey these are the accoutic ones. Enjoy.

It Ends Tonight(Accoustic Live)

Move Along(Accoutic Live)

Juwita Suwito

2008-10-29T12:39:00.005+08:00

I always been the kind of person to listen to the meaning why the song is being written more than a fan of that artist. There are many artist who writes and sings very good lyrics like Eason Chan, Jay Chou, Secondhand Serenade. I just discover this artist like 1/2 hour ago, I was very impressed by this artist. Juwita Suwito, sounds like an indon, but she became famous from akademia fantasia and she was even the theme artist for Tahun Melawat Malaysia 2007. Very impressive lyrics and melody she writes there. Even though she reminds me of one of my form 4 english teacher, lol. First I heard this "You In Me", it's good. Then I click and hear "Breath Again", omg it's good also, also found out it's on the Do You OST. Then I'm like okay, let's see an MV.. "All This Time" and I think that it is the best MV I've ever seen. Reminds me of like those advertistment from MAS during Merdeka few years back. Somehow I felt the feeling of warmth and family in all of these. MV's like of Justin Timberlake, Fergie or wateva, will juz fade in time and you will feel bored. But MV's like these, eventhough where u are in ur life, u watch this again, somehow you will feel comforted. That is why I always believe, it's not only the words, but it's also the music. "An object itself, without any background, doesn't stands out of it's beauty". There is a need for a compare to know what's bad, then only you will know what is good. Human's always take things for granted, but sometimes, you need to quieten down urself again and ponder, review, then change. so here's the video. check it out. Hearts all over the world. Juwito Suwita - All This Time.

I knew you loved me
I chose to go
Knew that you would find me
But I pretended not to know
It wasn’t cos I was unhappy
It wasn’t cos I was blind
Or could I have been when I said

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
I’m gonna make it on my own
Make it on my own

I took the highway
Built on sand
I knew you’d be there for me
But I refused to hold your hand
The going’s good all around me
But deep inside I can’t find a reason to live without you

Can I let the wind blow?
Leave the past behind?
The memories may cloud my mind
I know I crossed the line
Should I just journey on alone
I can’t bear to find
The pain I caused you all this time
When I look in your eyes

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

All the time

I’m gonna let the wind blow
Leave the past behind
The memories will do just fine
They’ll saturate in time
Don’t have to make it all alone
Cos in your eyes I find
The tears that loved me all the time

You loved me all this time

Debut

2008-10-28T16:36:00.007+08:00

I took a deep breath. Opens my eyes, hands brush on the couch by the waiting lounge. Waiting, for my turn. My name was called, stands up, took another deep breath, face the mirrors, check my tie. Then initiate my heavy foot to walk this pathway towards the open platform. I tell myself only to look straight ahead ,the way to the pedestrial. As I am taking my steps, I look up, bright spotlights almost like sunbeams, that wash away my worries and refills my courage. I look below, shadows gradients from all direction away from me, my past hasn't left me at all. When the light is shining high above, there is somehow still darkness dug deep in my heart. I glance at the audience, the lightings were dull, I could barely glimpse the first row, but I recognise the figure of those people that have showered me with rain water when I felt like I was in the wilderness alone, then the deep dark seeds below has grown above pain and agony,thus blossomed into healthy plants. Flash back \/\/\/\/\ 15 years ago when i was in secondary school, those times when I started to dream, to set and plan the course of my life, to be what I would dream to be. I met these people, right here, I'm painting a picture of them in my mind now. Moments of laughter and moments of tears. But I know, that the part about the pain, I took it much harder than anyone else. 15 years have passed on. I thank God that I am still alive, healthy and strong on the outside with humble wisdom and compassion inside. I walk up, stands on this throne, this throne in my heart, where i'm standing on now. Followed by an announcement made to all.
"Know that this moment now, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes………. all you need is... one.”